Freqently Asked Questions

This is in response to the comment "Since so many people are reading your blog, you could at least take the time to answer some of their questions."

Yes, you are right.


1. "JUST ONE QUESTION? ARE YOU A GUY OR A GIRL? SOME PEOPLE HAVE CALLED YOU GIRL AND OTHERS GUY. WHICH ONE ARE YOU?"

I post in anonymity for my protection. It doesn't really matter if you think I'm a guy or a girl.

2. "Flatmates? In the plural? I thought you only had one."

I live with three girls, however there is one in particular that is the problem.

3. "Great page... Even Better pics... where do you find them?"

All images are created by a friend who is a graphic designer. They too wish to stay anonymous.

4. "instead of posting all your ailments about your flatmate why dont you confront her?"

I have. Each and every one of these posts has been already been brought up with my flatmate
.
5. "Perhaps you should get your own place. Ever think of that, genuis?"

Yes, every day.

6. "John Doe -- your shagging her, aren't you? Just admit it -- you're in the sack, giving her a good rogering and then get online, and whinge about how she sings to you."

If only life were like that. There is no sexual relationship here, and there is no sexual tension. I could not think of a more repulsive act in the world than to have sex with my flatmate.

Stinky bathroom

Our bathroom has a can of air freshener conveniently located next to the toilet, so in the event of any hostile stench that remains after taking a shit, you can spray the room so subsequent persons who use the bathroom don't have to enjoy the smell of what you ate a day ago. The bathroom window is also readily accessible should odours persist. But performing these tasks is far too much effort for my flatmate. I've learned (the hard way) to wait a good half an hour before entering the bathroom after she has used it.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

Not clearing the air in the bathroom after taking a disgustingly smelly shit.

This isn't clean

Our household has the basic rule - you wash up what you dirty. It works remarkably well, and much better than a rotating roster system which I've used in past households (invariably you get some lazy fuck who waits until there is not a single clean item in house before they washup, or you get some studious fuck who cleans the first 2 plates they see and then claims they've done their fair share). The main problem in our household however is the quality of the cleaning. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't find an allegedly 'clean' glass that has lipstick on the rim and/or greasy hand prints smeared around it, or a plate with caked/baked on food. Cutlery goes back into the drawer with bits of food still stuck to them, and coffee mugs have a suspicious brown ring left in the bottom.

This post goes out to the whole household.

Today's reason my flatmates piss me off;

They are unable to clean plates, glasses and cutlery to a degree where they no longer contain food.

Long showers

My flatmate has the tendency to take excessively long showers.. I'm not talking about 20 minute or 30 minute showers. I'm talking lengths of upto 45 minutes. Perhaps because she showers so infrequently she thinks it's ok to take showers of this length because her daily average is still within reasonable limits. Other than the fact she is being extremely wasteful with a finite resource, it means that subsequent persons using the shower get only cold water.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

She takes excessively long showers that use all of the available hot water.

Don't sing to me

Quite regularly my flatmate will come to me completely randomly and ask me if I know a song. Because her taste in music does not at all correlate with mine, I invaribly never know the name of the song to which she will start singing the song to me, in the hope that it will jog my memory and miraculously I'll remember it (she doesn't understand that when I say I don't know it, I really don't know it). The saddest part about this isn't that I have to sit there listening to her sing, it's that she has a terrible voice. And even if I say I know the song, hoping it will prevent her singing, she will still sing it. I can't win...

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

She has a terrible voice and repeatedly comes to me to sing.

Lock the door please

Last night I woke up and went to the toilet to find our front door unlocked yet again. This is after I have asked numerous times to make sure the door is closed and locked at night, and placed two signs on the door as a reminder. I don't know what it will take to get my flat mate to do it.

Today's reason my flat mate pisses me off;

She is unable close and lock a door despite being told numerous times and ignores the reminder signs on the door.

UPDATE: For those people who don't understand this post, this reason differs from a previous complaint - the last time my flatmate didn't close the door. This time she closed it properly, but didn't lock it. Small steps... small steps...

Who would have thought

I woke up this morning and went to make some breakfast.. I wasn't feeling that hungry so I decided I would just have some toast but when it came time to butter my toast, I opened my margarine container, to find an excessive amount of bread crumbs and rasberry jam. I asked my flatmate if she had done this, but she denied it. That's funny when she is only person in the apartment who eats rasberry jam.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

Using my margarine, contaminating it, and then denying the event ever took place.