Sticky Floor

I came home tonight to find the apartment smelling of some kind of cleaning product. This has got to be a good thing! The next thing I noticed was that when I lifted my feet off the floor there was a tacky sticky sensation. On closer inspection I noticed that the entire floor was covered with a waxy cleaning polish. I asked if it was her that 'cleaned' the floor. She proudly admitted to it. I said "You know, when you polish a floor, you have to actually polish off the wax compound, otherwise it's not polished, right?". "Oh tried to do that but it wouldn't come off". I was obviously dealing with a fucking idiot, and there was no point continuing this conversation. "Don't worry, I'll fix the floor", to which she realised that she had fucked up, yet again. She insisted that she help, so I started on one end of the room and she started on another, but with in a matter of several minutes, she screams out loud that she is late and has to leave. She gets up, gets changed and before running out the door she had the insolence to ask me if her shoes looked appropriate with her dress. She stormed out of the apartment only to come back almost immediately to start knocking on the door. I get up off the floor and open the door to find her scrambling for her keys "Oh sorry, I was just checking if I had my keys".

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

She made a complete mess of the floor while thinking she was doing everyone a favour, and then promptly left the house when she realised that it was going to take a serious amount of work to rectify the situation.

Digusting food

1. It must contain cheese
2. It must contain a shitload of grease and oil
3. If it's not fried, then deep fried
4. It must smell absolutely dreadful
5. There must be a tonne of it
6. Must use all available utensils in the house to prepare
7. Only to be eaten with fingers, in front of the television, with smelly feet on the couch
8. Preferably drips over the person eating it, the couch and the floor

Toilets and tampons don't mix

tampon n. A plug of absorbent material inserted into a body cavity or wound to check a flow of blood or to absorb secretions, especially one designed for insertion into the vagina during menstruation.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

The purpose of a tampon is to basically soak up liquid.. As they absorb more liquid, they expand in size, directly proportional to the amount of liquid absorbed. With that in mind, you probably would think flushing one down the toilet was a pretty stupid thing to do. Not my flat mate. Of course, all of this became clear to her AFTER a plumber had to come and rip up the drain pipe to remove a piece of bloody cotton that had expanded to the diameter of the pipe.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

She blocked our toilet with a tampon.

Don't you hate it when...

...your flatmate leaves open the drawer that contains all of your clean cutlery while she is cooking and preparing food, meaning the drawer invariably catches all of the food scraps that fall off the counter?

Mouse problems

The rumour is that there is a mouse sharing our apartment. I've not yet seen it, but my flatmate's claim they've found mouse droppings, and there is a mouse sized hole in the ceiling.

Now you would think if you had a mouse problem, you would try to keep the place clean, and not leave food out. Well not according to my flatmate. I came home late the other night to find all of the lights on in the living room, but with everyone in their bedrooms. So, being the resident maid, I went about turning off all the lights people had left on, and in doing so I almost trod on a big splat of food (it looked like salsa, or something tomato based) that was just laying on the floor. I didn't even bother going to her door and knocking, I just screamed out her name saying that she had left food on the floor and she had better come to clean it up. She came running out apologizing and cleaned up her mess.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

Complaining about a mouse problem, but then leaving portions of food on the living room floor, after going to bed without switching off any of the lights in the house.

Congratulations! You're a winner!

Today's prize for the World's Stupidest Flatmate goes to you, for using an oven mitt to turn 'chicken fingers' (in the process filthifying the mitt), instead of using the pair of tongs that were in the drawer!

Fire Hazard

One problem about my flat mate's complete and utter disrespect for cleanliness and tidyness means her room is an absolute disaster. But usually I don't mind what they do in their room as long as they don't mess up the rest of the house. But I do care when random pieces of clothes and other flammable material are left draped over power sockets and cables, and covering heat exausts of electronic equipment. Desipite being asked numerous times, she is too lazy to rectify the problem, and the fact she doesn't understand this is a fire hazard, she is either completely stupid or unbelievably pathetically naive. Unfortunately, I'd say it is a little, sorry a lot of both.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off;

She creates fire hazards in her room without considering the consequences.