Yucky phone
Last night I needed to make a phone call so I went out to the living room and grabbed the phone and went back to my room.. This phone has quickdial, so I chose the pre-programmed umber and casually raised the phone to my ear. As I brought the phone to my face I smelled raspberry jam, but it was too late, it was all over the side of my face. I don't know if the jam got there by her fingers or mouth, and to tell you the truth, I don't really want to know. But she knew about it when she got home.
Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off is that she left raspberry jam smeared on the phone which subsequently ended up on my face.
posted at 22:19
56 Comments:
I would have just grabbed some bread and peanut butter and made a sandwhich. Jam is good stuff, why waste it?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jeeze, i dont know what i would do but i would probably be pretty pissed.
the unequivocal notion
you need therapy - seriously chill out and stop taking things so seriously!
Here's an original idea, buy yourself a phone put it in your room and lock the doors at all times. Problem solved! The truth is your just an angry little girl who does not want to face the fact that your now grown up and you don't have mommy and daddy waiting on you hand and foot anymore. So
GROW UP!!!
p.s. By the way maybe if you had a life, you wouldn't be stuck in that flat all the time while your roomates out having a life of her own..
It's true even I belive your making stuff up and running out of steam, having to use ever little thing she does as crime.
what ever
-Grog
I think it is sad that the new comers can't read the entire history. I have sporadically followed you from the start John. It feels like you are getting scared she will find the site, read it and realise it is about her. From all we know of your flatmate she is unlikely to read that much, let alone think. Chill out dude and put more than a day on.
I don't think you are running out of steam, jam on the face is pretty offensive.
don't you mean raspberry jelly? Who uses the word jam?????
Little by little you subtely give yourself away!
What the????
Anon
(not real name)
Did you explain to her that the jam goes on bread? Not the phone, not in the butter but on bread. Maybe she Just Doesn't Get It.
Do you think you will ever run out of things to complain about? This could get harder the longer you do it. Then again she seems to have a thing with jam. There are endless places to stick jam... on secound thought you should be fine.
I don't like people who put jam on phones and get it on your face, but damnit I respect them.
-The Gman
Anyone that says you need to chill out and get some therapy has obviously never had jam smeared on the side of their face. That is not a little thing, and growing up shouldn't involve becoming accustomed to having crap all over your phone.
It's funny how people continue to take the side of your roomate - like leaving jam on a phone is a normal everyday occurence. I don't know where (or how for that matter) these people live, but I sure wouldn't listen to any advice they give you.
Again, keep up the posts and good luck with the roomate!
I must say this post made me laugh. No really talk to her about it.
Albus
I had a flat mate like that once, unfortunately for me, rent was so high that I couldn't afford not to have her there....the good part was after I experienced the last straw..( used sanitary napkin on bathroom counter..not in garbage can)..I came home from a party to find that she had moved out on me with out giving me notice...was I mad???? Hell no!!! Did The DANCE OF JOY!!!!
Too bad you can't replace her with a better flat mate.
just tell her next time she makes a sandwich with the phone, to clean it off!
I think your taking this way to seriously. Just make it a fun little "prank" thing between you guys. It will bring you guys closer and make your life a lot easier!
yes, im sure thats exactly what he wants to do, become closer to that sloppy, stinky thing. i enjoy this site, keep it up.
Jam on your ear is not so bad. My roommate and her friends once watched porn and threw M&M's at my bedroom door at 3 in the morning.
Reminds me of my ex-roommate (from hell and back there thankfully!)..
Not being one of the neatest persons on earth, there used to be globs of chicken all over the kitchen - the floor, the shelves, everywhere - the days she felt like cooking.
To top it, I was a squeamish vegetarian rookie in mad-bad-roommate-land then.
So, drop on your knees and thank god it was raspberry jam!
Keep blogging. The world is watching. If your blog had the proper marketing technique, you could accrue enough funds to buy your own home and leave the difficult roomie to enjoy her raspberry jam by herself. ;)
Hang in there, John.
[journey]
People get so uptight.
Dude, if you want to complain about you're flatmate on an online blog that is ALL YOURS, more power to ya! These people that suggest that you should CHILL OUT should CHILL OUT themselves. They don't have to read if they don't want it. Millions of other blogs and tons of other reading material out there. If you don't like it, don't complain, LEAVE!
Personally, I quite enjoy it.
WOW NOW THATS WICKED
AND DELIBERATE
i think they discovered your blog and are making u develop an ulcer
Don't listen to the numbskulls who said you need therapy. THIS is therapy. You don't need to chill...inconsiderate asshole people need to grow up and learn to take care of themselves. Just take comfort in knowing she'll have to live in her filth for the rest of eternity...and you won't.
The phone thing was truly gross. I don't know which is more funny though: the blogs or the comments! I can totally tell who has just come here by either their insistence that you get a life or their need to give some sort of advice.
By the by, it seems that John already has a toddler. Why would s/he need to get another? :)
Jam, also known as jelly, was invented in the early 1500's by boring Englishmen who eat crumpets with tea. True, jam is good, but when an entire country takes time every day to drink hot TEA, its gotta make you wonder. Are they gay? Did their mothers baby them too much as children? Who knows. Who cares. Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against people from England. I am an equal opportunity hater. But I do like jelly. Unless it is called jam. That just makes it sound too "high class" for lack of better terminology. Anyway, you should have just eaten the phone. That would have taught your flatmate to leave perfectly good jelly on a phone.
Okay it's obvious this person is a New Zealander. An american would not say "jam" nor would an american call their flatmate a flatmate - it would be "roomate" or something similar. PLUS there's the excerpt from the NZ Herald which an american would not see or care about.
And this person also seems to be a guy from the way he acts.
Lead with good examples. Sooner or later she'll learn to behave better.
Well, at least it was raspberry jam . . . and not Vegamite!
Here's the question for the real psychodrama: isn't it true that YOU are really the flatmate you hate? You're just complaining about yourself... the irony.
Easy way to find another flatmate and that will end the story.
Well i think u should wipe the stuff ona piece of bread and eat it in a big bite!!
I just happen to find your blog yesterday (while procrastinating about school work - so i couldn't spend too much time reading everything) and i am highly disappointed that you won't allow people to read previous posts! I was just getting a little taste of the goodness yesterday and now i want more! haha
The real question we should be asking here, is which end of the phone was the jam on?
This roomate is clearly either an extremely messy eater, who can't wait 5 minutes to get off the phone before she devours her sandwich - or she's the biggest pig ever. By this I mean, she must have eaten many, many jam sandwiches for it to start pouring out her ears.
Either way, move out dude.
Ben
http://thingsivewritten.blogspot.com
anyone who visits my blog and leaves a comment gets a shiny penny.
Dude, she probably rubbed jam all over it because she knew you were going to steal the phone in the first place!
Don't you realise that she does these things to you because you're probably a shittier roommate to live with??
I think your blog is fun.
I don't understand either why so many people are talking shit to you and taking her side... sounds like they're the ones taking things abit too seriously, no?
I think you've choosen a wonderful topic for a blog - it's those little details that make life interesting(although painful) and you´ve taken this painful, interesting thing and turned it around quite nicely. If the creative satisfaction isn't enough, at least you are no longer alone in your suffering. We're there with you.
I have been blessed with nice roomates (although that may change very soon!)and reading your blog makes me feel all the more fortunate.
Please, please, please give us back the history!!
I have reccommended your blog to so many people as one of the funniest things online, but now they can only read one day. The rest is so funny and it shows all those morons who are telling you to chill out what this beast is really like. Let them read the history and then argue with you...
i DidN't dO iT oN pUrPoSe, i PrOmiSe!! sOrRy :~(
I won't call u a chavinistic prick, for discoverin sumthin crappy bout ur "flatmate" every day, cos thats wat ur blog is all about and ur ringin in the comments, so u must be doin something right.
Funny yes, contents gettin stale...probably obsolete in a few weeks,
check this .
Take care. BE CREATIVE.
If your flat mate really bothered you that much I'm sure you would have moved out by now. Seems to me you need to get a life. I'm sure you're not the perfect companion either, obviously not or you wouldn't be venting off in such a cowardly way. (Assuming this isn't just some fantasy hoax designed simply to prompt responses from the likes of us).
I just love this blog ;)
Nossa_Senhora
To all the Americans above:
Jam = preserve made from whole fruit boiled to a pulp with sugar.
Jelly = a preserve made of the jelled juice of fruit.
Get that, jam is made with the whole fruit and jelly is made with just the juice of fruit. Bit of a difference there and I know it's had to get your head around but do try to make an effort. just because your grasp of the language is stunted, doesn't mean you have to try and force it on everyone else.
what the .......love your neighbour now
what the .......love your neighbour now
did you remove my comment
*LOL* Now this one i finally agrea on, there's a reason to be truely pissed :o)
Bob The Gallery Blogger
Don't hate your Flatmate. Move out ASAP. You will blow-up one day! Life is short, don't hate!
At least it wasn't KY Jelly! Now that would be something to truly worry about...
Alright, people you are right as you grow up there are things that you have to get used to be on your face because one of the sibling put it there for some ounknow stupid reason. But, there is a time that you have to enter the adult relm of the universe and know that stuff like that is not tolerated. Jelly is ment to go on bread NOT phones or any other place that is NOT bread. I don't think the he is blowing anything out of proportion. If I was in his shoes I would be made as hell about that his flatmate is doing. Of course I would tell it to their face, but that is just me. People have their own way of dealing with things that are pissing them off.
I'm laughing so hard at the seriousness with which people are taking this blog. People, chill out, it's probably just an account which is meant to make people LAUGH, not one which should be taken seriously. On the other hands, congrats to the authour - you're creating a legend here!
The only way to never do anything wrong is to never do anything period. You seem like a real dull boy. Somebody with alot of time on their hands to obsess over things and alot of time to create a blog thats updated on a daily basis. Good thing you don't have kids. Hope you are getting good grades in school. Got a job?
Seldom Killer, jelly can be made using the whole fruit. This I know. I've seen it done. So, yeah, jelly.
First. I am american, i say jam... hate me if you must. i only use the word jelly when referring to actual jelly. i.e. grape jelly.
Second. Keep up the great bitchin.
Third. For all you folks that are having a hard time finding old posts... If you click on the most bottom of "previous posts" it will show you previous posts for THAT post, read: older posts. So yah, go and read if you want to.
Fourth. If you don't like to hear the bitchin, leave. You weren't invited here anyway. There are many of us who enjoy it. And agreed, this IS therapy.
Im out.
LOL
Ngakaari said...
At least she didn't lick the phone or sneeze all over it.
Well maybe she had a mouth full of jam (yes, I said JAM) and sneezed all over the phone before she had a chance to swallow?
Keep it up!
Ibis
PS, South Africans say jam too.
Fart in your flatmates bed. Secretly.
WOW! this blog is fantastic! I wish I could read the entire history though....I'd like to know more of what this flatmate did. I think that you are just great for having this blog. You go girl!
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are angry or miss your mummy, we all get like that and people who come onto blogs and post comments like that are only trying to hide their own feelings of inadequacy.
WOW! this blog is fantastic! I wish I could read the entire history though....I'd like to know more of what this flatmate did. I think that you are just great for having this blog. You go girl!
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are angry or miss your mummy, we all get like that and people who come onto blogs and post comments like that are only trying to hide their own feelings of inadequacy.
Hmmm Well ... May be its like a pin in your ass to have such a room mate I think its funny to look at the things and after all ... You will learn how to be with a wrong girl any time ...
May be That one thing made this blog special ...
How about adding some more fun to the spot ?
Have it
Hi after going through ten roomates in one year I have decided that dogs are better. And I know exactly what you mean. Living by yourself although financially can be difficult will empower you to move forward and acheive better things in life. I am now running my own online bussiness. something that would never have come to pass if I didnt decide to finnally do it on my own and financially support my own housing.
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