Where is the remote?
I'm not much a of a television watcher - there are rarely many things on that I like to watch, but I don't mind sitting down to watch the news to keep up on current events.. So when I sat down last week to watch the news I started by looking for the remote control. Ususally it's either somewhere near the television or the couch, but a brief scan of the area failed to bring any results. It wasn't on the coffee table nor behind the couch. Ok, well I'm just going to have to pull this couch apart. Despite finding 2.55 in coins, half a packet of stale corn chips and a bunch of toe nail clippings, I was unsuccessful in finding the remote. Where the FUCK could it be? In the end I just gave up and resorted to the old fashion way and turned the television on by hand and found the right channel.
We have been remoteless for the past week until this morning. Magically the remote control had reappeared on the coffee table when I walked into the lounge room this morning. Before I left the house, I asked my flatmate where it had been, and apparently she had found it under a pile of papers in her room while resorting study notes.
Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off is that she lost the remote control to the shared television in her room for a week.
posted at 14:14
48 Comments:
what is the shared television doing in HER room?
forget what the remote is doing in her room, we already know this flatmate is a moron.
What gets me is the freaking TOE NAIL CLIPPINGS in the couch. *GAG* There is really no end to the kind of nastiness this poor soul has to endure. It's absolutely gross and so unhygenic. The very idea has my skin crawling. So sorry you live with a sloth.
don't be pissed off. try to find a compatible remote at the dicksmith. buy two and keep one as back-up.
I've got a similar story. I put my cell phone on the coffee table in the living room one day because I was waiting for a call and didn't want to miss it with the phone in my purse. My roommate comes home, puts her shit on the table. Papers, bookbag, food, etc. I was in the kitchen washing dishes. Then the other roommate comes home and tells the messy one to clean up her shit. She does, but takes my phone with it. My phone starts ringing and I can't find it. Nobody can. Because she had pushed it under her bed with the rest of her crap.
really, your roomie is such a fuckhead. i would have killed her by now.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Damn blogger! I hate when it closes on me for no reason. Sorry the above post ran away with the closed window...grrr...
Something close to what I said is:
A missing remote AND rifling through toenail clippings?! Oh, nasty. Even your non-hygeine related stories fall into the realm of ickiness. I am so sorry your flatmate sucks!
Your blog is hilarious, and I'm so sorry that your continued suffering is so amusing for the rest of us. I almost hope you never move out, because I can't get over how utterly daft this girl is! Does her idiocy and selfishness know no bounds?
DAMN! Blogger is running SLOOOOOOWW this morning.
I lost my Stupid train of thought waiting for this stupid Comment pop-up to appear.
You Ever notice how some people have the Weirdest Toenails?
I mean, what's with the toenails that look like 3 inch kevlar? What the hell are You eating that makes you Grow crap like that out of your skin?
I don't think I could handle it if I had to touch toenails like that. But you never did say Who's toenails you saw.
For all we know, they were YOUR toenails.
Hell, for all WE know, you could have multiple personality disorder and actually be your Own Flatmate.
If that's the case, why did you hide the Remote from yourself, Weirdo?
Losing someone's remote is a line that should not be crossed. I saw have her arrested!
So I bought this brand new plasma TV, and I was generous enough to leave it in the lounge for all my flatmates to enjoy it, even though they NEVER even offered to chip in for it.
And now apparently my roommate is pissed off coz I left the remote under my pile of papers, because god forbid someone works hard enough to have lots of papers to grade. Unlike fat slobs who just get grumpy about their flatmates.
So todays reason my roommate pisses me off is that he consider's it his RIGHT that he should have full access to the remote of MY TV, which he would've gotten anyway if he'd asked me for it instead of ripping the entire couch apart in its search
OH, this blog is so hilarious. It provides me my morning laugh. What's even funny to me is that you flatmate leaves comments!!! LOL
But seriously TOE NAIL CLIPPINGS ~ NASTY! I wouldn't go searching under the cusions anymore.
my housemate is annoyed because my other housemate is messy. when he got drunk he decided to shoot her modelling posters with a bb gun. she came home to find bulletholes in her door and bedroom and her face shot out.
4 months 'til i move out. can't come soon enough.
house is mighty tidy right now though.
shit in her pillowcase...
May I recommend something? I think your blog has such a great sense of humor and just sounds more intelligent when you don't use curse words. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know your flatmate gets under your skin (and she would make anyone feel that way) so you want to let your anger out. But as far as humor goes, your sharp wit stands out so much more when you don't use four-letter words...but I'm still a fan!
You poor thing. A whole blog dedicated to bitching, moaning and feeling hateful about someone that obviously doesnt give you a second thought. What a waste of time. You should be out there getting a life, your flatmate obviously has one.
I just wanted to mention that the person claiming to be "Flatmate you bitch about" lives in the US currently, and it therefore obviously not really "John's" flatmate at all. Just someone who is having fun making up responses and pretending to be the flatmate. More power to here, just thought I'd point it out for those who thought it was the ACTUAL flatmate posting.
She's definitely a slob.
You're definitely up-tight and I'm afraid you've developed an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Keeping track of everything she does, cataloging it and sharing it with the world is kinda creepy. I had a roommate, while at School, who (among many nasty things) got drunk, passed out in my room and then puked and pissed my bed. I got a new bed and then got over it. I'm also not convinced that everything you attribute to her is really her fault. You have other roommates; correct?
She's definitely a slob.
You're definitely up-tight and I'm afraid you've developed an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Keeping track of everything she does, cataloging it and sharing it with the world is kinda creepy. I had a roommate, while at School, who (among many nasty things) got drunk, passed out in my room and then puked and pissed my bed. I got a new bed and then got over it. I'm also not convinced that everything you attribute to her is really her fault. You have other roommates; correct?
She's definitely a slob.
You're definitely up-tight and I'm afraid you've developed an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Keeping track of everything she does, cataloging it and sharing it with the world is kinda creepy. I had a roommate, while at School, who (among many nasty things) got drunk, passed out in my room and then puked and pissed my bed. I got a new bed and then got over it. I'm also not convinced that everything you attribute to her is really her fault. You have other roommates; correct?
sorry...ie problems.
I don't think there is any over reaction, it seems toatlly reasonable to be irritated by the irresposible actions of a flatmate. At least in this and most cases the action is just careless and thoughtless. I have had the batteries dissapear from the remote to be used in other things. And there is a definate difference between the outragous thing one does once whilst drunk. And the continuall abrogation of responsibility towards the communal functioning of a flat and towards its other members.
First of all, all those "holier than thous" who think you are the problem really need to loosen up. Sorry you have to go through this stuff but it's good to see you still have a sense of humour through it all. And, I highly doubt you will EVER run out of things to get annoyed by. Sounds like things just have a way of finding you.
MOVE YOU SILLY TWAT. or have your roommate MOVE. you recreate yourself as the victim in these scenarios time and time again. You obviously don't learn or don't want to learn from them. MOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEEE!
Yes you have the flat mate from hell. Is there a club that one can join, as I also have a flatmate from hell (sister-in-law). I think it is very healthy to air your feelings, or you would end up in a very nasty slagging match.
I know I said this before, but I really do think that you moved into the house I escaped from. Seriously, I've just read most of your blog and it all sounds rather too familiar. It's so similar I'm actually going to pee myself in fright. I bet your flatmates room begins with a G.....
I mean your flatmates NAME [not room]. See, that is actually how scared I am right now....
Are you kidding me? Where do you get those cool pictures though. Do you do them yourself or what? They all seem to match your posts perfectly.
my blood pressure is RISING reading this stuff. how can you handle this? i have so little tolerance for people that flaky, im going crazy just reading it.
Great pictures; they're really funny. Now just hire a writer.
this Blog is awesome, but to the real point. your flatemate is an asshole. she is, well you know better than me. but i think she could at least have some common sence not to take a remote that would be of no use in her room, into her room. ugh, moron.
I say you make a hommade remote with coconuts and string.
i love this Blog man. it rocks.
the toenail clippings part is so fucking awful. you should ask her to take a hike real soon. but then we wouldn't have anything to read after that.
I'm a fans of your blog.
I begin to thinks of these possibilities :
The "flatmate" you're refering is a real flatmate, OR she could be one of the following:
- your spouse.
- your teenage daughter.
- your 30 yo daughter that still live with you.
- your older/younger sister that live with you.
- your mom.
i just chanced upon your blog, and i must say, i am very amused lol :)
it's hilarious. the way you write communicates a lot more than what's there on the surface.
you poor, poor thing.
take care...
http://nameetarajwani.blogspot.com
i just chanced upon your blog, and i must say, i am very amused lol :)
it's hilarious. the way you write communicates a lot more than what's there on the surface.
you poor, poor thing.
take care...
http://nameetarajwani.blogspot.com
You watch the news? I had no idea. How intellectual!
I think the writer of this blog does have a sharp wit, and I don't think the use of the f word or any of the other delightfully quotable blasphemies detract from the intelligence of it.
I don't even know how I found this very funny stuff about the dreadful room-mate but it did bring back memories of disgusting people I've shared with.
EG, the one who literally didn't know you had to plug the vacuum cleaner in before you vacuumed the floor and didn't know the shower curtain went INSIDE the bath to stop water going all over the floor.
Actually my daughter (then a teenager) & her friends insisted this "woman" was either a man or an alien.
In spite of agreeing to share cooking, this person only cooked one meal in the 3 months she lived in my house, which was a quite expensive leg of lamb which she burnt so badly I couldn't eat any - so she ate the lot, then insisted she was having a heart attack & that I take her to the local hospital where guess what? Turned out she had severe indigestion from eating so much burnt meat!
In desperation, just before I asked her to leave I left the rubbish bags outside her bedroom door to remind her that she hadn't put the rubbish out once in 3 months - she told me she would report me to the police because she
nearly fell over it and nearly hurt herself! Then when she left she left the contents of at least 2 lge boxes of tissues in her room in a huge pile - all used!
I needed the rent, but was I glad to see her go!
at least she found it and she placed it back.
Seems like a good reason to not watch TV. Oh, how you call to me, sweet glowing box.
...I digress...
The real question is, where can I get a dicksmith (from jeffry's comment). Must be one of those trans-atlantic (or Pacific/Indian) translation errors.
It seems strange as I look around at different blogs, after being introduced to blogs after the death of our 16 year old son. Life seems just so much more precious, and short, and then I read of the shallowness of bickering over a flatmate. I hope that you can ENJOY life and find the real meaning of life, before it's too late. My heart goes out to YOU!
One time I had a roommate who kept walking out the door in the morning with a bagel on a plate and a glass of iced latte. So when I started to realize dishes and glasses were missing, I asked her. She had no idea where they were. One day I peeked into her car and there were several of them on the back seat and floor of her car! Ok, lieing to me is one thing but how gross is that to have dirty dishes in your car for weeks?!
Wow you really have it in for your roomate.. well, I have to admit that once or twice I might have taken the remote with me to the kitchen then forgot to put it back in the living room, but now that I read you blog I'll make sure I do my best to put it back. I could see how it could be upsetting.
I was wonderfully lucky to have a flatmate in uni who was very considerate and hygienic. But a close friend of mine wasn't. Her flatmate (who now works for an airline) used the common tv remote (it was a Japanese thingy - slim and round) to masturbate. And she was quite open about it too. She said it fitted perfectly. On the plus side, not many friends dropped by to waste their time watching tv.
Why the hell is it not standard that every remote control have a homing devise on it? Something that would beep when you whistled or pushed a button on the tv. Why is this not as standard as volume control or an on/off button? I have always said that people who design or engineer things should spend the afterlife using these products. I truly enjoy picturing some retard spending eternity hopelessly searching for a remote because he was too retarded to put a freaking homing device on his stupid remote. Burn in hell, asshole!
I visted your blog for the first time today.As i was reading the posts a thought just struck me "what if her roommate too was maintaining a blog and she had a take on all these incidents too." Sort of like parallel universes. By the way why dont you show this to your roommate? I am sure she would have the start of her life.
There is really no end to the kind of nastiness this poor soul has to endure. It's absolutely gross and so unhygenic.
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