That doesn't go in the rubbish
So it's that time of the week again, when the rubbish must be put out so the garbage man can collect it.. So as I'm emptying the bin to take outside, I inadvertently snagged the bin liner on the edge of the bin, tearing a small hole in the plastic. Sure enough, the bag of rubbish starts leaking all over the bin, the floor and myself. Jesus suffering FUCK, this is a punishment no one should have to endure.
So as I'm soaking up the mess with paper towels, I notice the colour of the liquid is distictly orange. Than it hit me - my flatmate had thrown her fast food drink container still half full (judging by the quantity of the 'crème de bin' that had leaked everywhere) into the bin the night before.
Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off is that she threw a half full soft-drink container into our trash, which subsequently spilled all over the bin, the floor and myself. Bitch.
posted at 03:34
46 Comments:
Thats probably the most horrendous torture ive ever heard anyone to endure. didnt their mother teach them anything as a child? you really need to get rid of that flatemate..
Hey,
Wouldn't tell u to get a life like many others, cos Entries like these r wat ur Blog is all about.
Its funny sometimes, but the content is getting stale....
Creativity and Originality are the name of the game.
GO
HERE to Check some stuff out.
Take care.
Kenneth
I love reading your blog, I laugh, and then I feel bad, I'm going straight to hell for sure!
oops, Bins are a good idea, but so many people use them inappropriately or miss it all together! my last flatmate used to chew green gum, every time, she would miss the bin and it would get stuck to the white wall behind the bin, or to the shower screen in the bathroom, for fucks sake and i ended up being the one cleaning it off. Chewing gum is terrible as well, and when will people learn. Some people really need bin training when they go through potty training.
"My fucking flatmate tore the bin liner and spilled orange soda all over the god-damned kitchen floor. And then proceeded to tell me it was my fault."
All I have to say to this is... SUCKS TO BE YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSER! Of course you are wondering who I am. I am of course... the leader. The Ruler of all. The master of the universe and all that is beyond. And so as the ruler, I DEMAND weekly sacrifice. This is to be one human or animal head of someone or something living in your home. Signing Out: The Ruler Of All That Was, All That Is, And All That There Ever Will Be. End Communication.
It seems you are the person that comes a cropper with the slobbish behaviour of your flatmate.
As a slob, my memories of painful flatemates are of those that stand in the kitchen next to a jar of jam that I have left on the sideboard, looking at me, and then the jam and then at me, with a "you have left your jam out on the sideboard again squint."
Does your flatmate do any of that?
And where do you get your images? They are great.
This is just fiction!!!
Why don´t you write a novell?
In the spirit of ranting, may i add the following observations about MY flatmate....
1. Clinically, MEDICALLY unable to buy toilet roll. Just doesn't seem to occur. Staggering.
2. Insists on drying self vigorously in bathroom, causing cascade of thousands of pubey body hairs to form a very unappealing carpet.
3. Lets food go very, very rotten in fridge.
You're Living the Dream, Baby!
hmm... i've been reading this blog for a few days now and i do feel sorry for you. your flatmate adventures are probably the antithesis of mine, as i've been blessed with lovely flatmates (most of the time). maybe i'll start a blog called 'Things I like about my Flatmates'. hang in there, John Doe. only a couple more months til summer then you're outta there !
Ack! I hate that. Another garbage disaster story that my roomate makes over and over is that she will have some kind of dairy or another type of food that carries a distinct horrid odor, throw it away, and of course the small dorm we share begins to be overwhelmed by the disgusting stench in just an hour. Will she ever learn to just walk five feet out of our door and into the hall closet where there is huge garbage bin to put all that nasty stuff? I regrettably do not think so.
Hello, I'm commenting from the US and I wanted to ask you (and the graphic artist from whom you get your pictures) if I can steal the Simply Dumbfounded one and make a shirt out of it...not for money, mind you, just for myself.
-pc
I used to have the roomate from hell, and this also happened to me, except it was some kind of milky substance, with a horrendous smell...at least you knew it was soda.
Why cant people figure out that you must empty bottles and cans before throwing them into the trash. How irritating. I mean it should be common sense. My roommate hates going to the dumpster, she says its so far away, even though its right around the corner from our building. So she piles the garbage in the kitchen or in the front hallway. Once when I came home from vacation, there were like 12 bags there, piled in front of the door, I could barely get in and the whole apartment stank like food and garbage. I think she feels that dealing with trash is beneath her. Can you believe that!
Your brilliant rants have been linked from a blog here in Canada (Rick's Miscellany).
Sorry to say, but reading about the orange pop in the garbage damned near made me spew orange pop out my nose. I still have a grin on my face courtesy of your phrase "Jesus Suffering FUCK".
Of course, having typed that phrase, I'm going to Hell.
Congrats, you've given me a terrific new blasphemous phrase. I shall endevour to spread it throughout Canada on your behalf.
I hear you there! My roommates do the same crap and it pisses me off to no end, especially when I've cleaned the kitchen the day before. It's ridiculous! Apparently some people's standards of cleanliness aren't the same as others.
Keep up the funny posts! It's a releif to know I'm not the only one who rages about these things.
Have you considered writing a column for The Onion (theonion.com)?
Your wry sarcasm would fit right in.
Oh Sweet Mother of Crap - i've found my therapy! Thank you for helping me save $350 USD a month on therapy due to My Ridiculous Roommate, or as we say in latin Roommatadorkus Malorkus. If I may share... I had to leave a wee note (as my roomie keeps odd hours) titles "The Shower Curtain is not a Kleenex", followed by my favorite "Deadbolts don't lock themselves" and my personal favorite, "If I were clean plates, where SHOULD i reside?"
There should be a roommate registry for offending roommates.
Much love from the the DC area
Dick Chaney ( just kidding)
Me thinks you dont even have a flatmate...Me thinks this whole blog is about YOU. YOU HATE YOU.
We love your sharing! Keep it up! Check out my blog to see what makes people tick ...
That bites! Hope you get a new roommate soon! :+)
Ok, why exactly are you stuck with this particular person? Get someone else! There's plenty of fish in the sea... that applies to men and roommates/flatmates. Or simply lay down the law. Who's name is the flat under? Who gets the bills? If it's you, issue an ultimatum. If it's your flatmate, start looking for vacancies. I know it would totally screw up your blog title, but if you get another flatmate, you'll have less crap to deal with. That's a sacrifice I'd be willing to make.
This is funny as hell. You actually make my slobby (but wonderful) husband sound like a desirable roommate. That's some brilliant writing.
Well that is sick...
I think it's time for a "tit for tat" show. Behave kindly.... make life hell for her.
like when its her turn to throw the garbage... dispose some stinking stuffs(decayed food or anything that stinks alot)...
I suggest that you use your time to earn more money instead of just complaining...you could buy a new flat!
hi,
i can fully understand and empathize what you are going through.if i were you , i think i would have killed her by now.
i've been following up your story and she id certified the flatmate from hell.
how come you have not written for 3 days already, has she reformed, thus leaving with nothing to write?
Nice blog! Why don't you sign up for a free IPOD to help you forget about your troubles with your housemate? Sign up here:
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Last weekend, I took out the trash since my roomate never does, and I ended up putting the trash can back in the room and I forgot to place a bag in it. My bad. But then my roomate goes to throw stuff away, and since she's lazier than hell, she couldn't put a bag in it before she threw stuff into it. So when I go to empty the trash (again this weekend! Grrr!), there are about a million sunflower seeds stuck to the bottom of the can. I wanted to murder her.
I think you live in the house I moved out of a few months ago, this is EXACTLY the kind of behaviour I began to expect of them, except they would also run around the house screaming at all hours of the day like bunch of 5 year olds and would continually try to split me up with my boyfriend [they were all single].
Don't listen to the people that tell you you're depressed, they clearly have never lived with the flatmates from hell! The only way to live with other peoples idiocities is to rant about it, and a blog is the sanest way to do it! I love it!!!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nope. This one is a stretch. You were the one to tear the garbage liner bag.
"Jesus suffering FUCK!" is my new favorite expletive. Thanks!
This sounds like Ms. Neat vs Ms. Slob.....If it's that bad....move out. Apparently you can not tell her to clean up her act, or you would have done it by now. Does she share the expenses with you in the electric, water, gas, etc????
If so...then it's her flat as well so either live with it...or move out.
Dude!!! i feel u here !!!right now my flatmate is hoovering at fuckin'10.30 PM on sunday after lying her ass off on the couch the whole WE... despise this unusal cleaning activiyt,she forgot a couple of her USED cotton buds on the top of the fridge,for the last 3 days...im ashamed to say i gave up,i'm off in 2 weeks
Dude!!! i feel u here !!!right now my flatmate is hoovering at fuckin'10.30 PM on sunday after lying her ass off on the couch the whole WE... despise this unusal cleaning activiyt,she forgot a couple of her USED cotton buds on the top of the fridge,for the last 3 days...im ashamed to say i gave up,i'm off in 2 weeks
Well done you, for being a victim of todays society.
It must be so hard to be you. Leave if you hate it so much, or stay and work out your problems. Clearly you are all some what disturbed, I just hope you can talk to each other.
Hello,
I just wanted to share a story of my own personal hell with you. I noted that you were upset about the half drunk fast-food drink in the garbage-- I offer you my blatently homosexual roomate's aversion to garbage at all. Because he is so gay, he refuses to take out the garbage because he does not want to be associated with trash. However, this also means that he will not throw things away, such as fast food garbage which he liberally spreads through out the apartment, covering the couch, the dining room table, and the countertop near the garbage can, but never quite making it into the garbage can. Because all he eats is an American fast food restaurant called "Jack in The Box", you may imagine how harrowing this is for me, especially as a vegetarian who reguraly has to throw away half eaten hamburgers because no one else will do it. Strange that he is not willing to be associated with trash, but is content to sit among it, not unlike sitting in an actual garbage can. Comfort youself with this, at least your flatmate does know how to throw things away, and is not the sole refute to the rather positive stereotype that gay men are supposed to be excessively clean.
Hello,
I just wanted to share a story of my own personal hell with you. I noted that you were upset about the half drunk fast-food drink in the garbage-- I offer you my blatently homosexual roomate's aversion to garbage at all. Because he is so gay, he refuses to take out the garbage because he does not want to be associated with trash. However, this also means that he will not throw things away, such as fast food garbage which he liberally spreads through out the apartment, covering the couch, the dining room table, and the countertop near the garbage can, but never quite making it into the garbage can. Because all he eats is an American fast food restaurant called "Jack in The Box", you may imagine how harrowing this is for me, especially as a vegetarian who reguraly has to throw away half eaten hamburgers because no one else will do it. Strange that he is not willing to be associated with trash, but is content to sit among it, not unlike sitting in an actual garbage can. Comfort youself with this, at least your flatmate does know how to throw things away, and is not the sole refute to the rather positive stereotype that gay men are supposed to be excessively clean.
Hello,
I just wanted to share a story of my own personal hell with you. I noted that you were upset about the half drunk fast-food drink in the garbage-- I offer you my blatently homosexual roomate's aversion to garbage at all. Because he is so gay, he refuses to take out the garbage because he does not want to be associated with trash. However, this also means that he will not throw things away, such as fast food garbage which he liberally spreads through out the apartment, covering the couch, the dining room table, and the countertop near the garbage can, but never quite making it into the garbage can. Because all he eats is an American fast food restaurant called "Jack in The Box", you may imagine how harrowing this is for me, especially as a vegetarian who reguraly has to throw away half eaten hamburgers because no one else will do it. Strange that he is not willing to be associated with trash, but is content to sit among it, not unlike sitting in an actual garbage can. Comfort youself with this, at least your flatmate does know how to throw things away, and is not the sole refute to the rather positive stereotype that gay men are supposed to be excessively clean.
Hello,
I just wanted to share a story of my own personal hell with you. I noted that you were upset about the half drunk fast-food drink in the garbage-- I offer you my blatently homosexual roomate's aversion to garbage at all. Because he is so gay, he refuses to take out the garbage because he does not want to be associated with trash. However, this also means that he will not throw things away, such as fast food garbage which he liberally spreads through out the apartment, covering the couch, the dining room table, and the countertop near the garbage can, but never quite making it into the garbage can. Because all he eats is an American fast food restaurant called "Jack in The Box", you may imagine how harrowing this is for me, especially as a vegetarian who reguraly has to throw away half eaten hamburgers because no one else will do it. Strange that he is not willing to be associated with trash, but is content to sit among it, not unlike sitting in an actual garbage can. Comfort youself with this, at least your flatmate does know how to throw things away, and is not the sole refute to the rather positive stereotype that gay men are supposed to be excessively clean.
Your blog has reaffirmed my faith in my choice to live alone. My deepest sympathies to you, and always remember, even the worst roommates are flammable.
IT's too bad you disregard Diety in your language and curse and swear without regard to any of your readers....
Hi, I was just reading your blog. You used Jesus' name as a swear word, have you any idea what that means to Christians? God sent Jesus to die for us in agony on a cross...in order that whoever belives in him will have eternal life. Please be more sensitive. Thanks
Layla
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Hey everyone,
It was comforting & reassuring to read that I'm not the only one suffering with a horrible flatmate to say the least & that I'm not over reacting to the situation.We have put up with her nonsense for 1 year & have now given her the walking ticket. She's just plain arrogant & an ungrateful & inconsiderate wretch. She would cook in the kitchen with the door left open & not bother to clean up properly.The garbage would be over flowing but she would turn a blind eye & infact top it up more with rotting perishables & left over food. Her food items in the fridge & cupboard would be left even past the expiry date & in a rotting condition so much that we do her the favour of throwing it out. To add to it she would talk & laugh loudly on the phone, play music loudly with her bedroom door opened & slam her bedroom & bathroom door when she walks in & out of them. To top it all she keeps her own bathroom & bedroom badly so much so that it looks filthy at a glance.We have been polite with her all along & sometimes turned a blind eye to keep the peace but enough was enough. When we brought the dirty stove to her attention the other day she yelled back at us. This was the last straw, we have given her 30 days to find another place. She now sends us a mail saying that she is flabbergasted at the way we are making an issue out of "one noddle" & that we should learn some interpersonal skills, the cheeky bitch! Now since its her notice period she's started slamming doors on purpose just to irritate & provoke us. Plus she owes us money on utility bills & we are wondering how to get them from her without causing a ruckus as we are stressed out enough & just want her to leave quietly. Does anybody have any ideas? Please help!
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