Untidiness is not a virtue
After coming home from a long weekend of outdoor activities the last thing you want to have to deal with is a mess. As we were approaching the front door, my partner whispered to me, "Oh, she's home... I can smell her." At first I just laughed, but upon opening the door my flatmate's "special" fragrance hit me, and it was clear that indeed she was home. This was confirmed almost immediately by sight when I entered the lounge room. Her shit was sprawled liberaly throughout the room, evenly distributed over the floor, table and counters. Amoungst the calamity I spotted her eating crisps on the couch, while watching TV. I casually asked, "Doing a stock take are we? Anything missing?" to which she replied "Oh, yeah sorry about the mess, I'll clean it up soon". 'Yeah, fuckin' oath you will clean it up soon. How about right now?' I thought.
Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off is she thinks it's perfectly fine to deposit her entire worldly possessions throughout the common areas of the house.
posted at 23:12
47 Comments:
I've just discovered your hilarious blog. Please make an XML feed of it so I can read it in my RSS aggregator. That is, of course, assuming I actually know how to spell "aggregator."
I Friggin' love this blog... read it frequently... And may I just say I'm glad the history is back, because I've recommended it to many friends and they wanted to read the past stories! I think everyone at one time or another has had a flatmate that's pretty bad... but you my friend take the cake with this one!
Didn't you hear about the new law? It's like a fucking rule that flatmates HAVE to have their stuff lying around everywhere and expect the rest of the bunch to have no problem with it. If only one could throw it all out and get away with it...grrrr!
http://pwincessdiaries.blogspot.com
Thanks for bringing back the history. I hope you are able to move out soon and get some peace. Good luck!
Well, I am located In Wisconsin (USA), judging by the language used you are in the UK??? I love your site! I especially love the creative picking of you Photo Clips. Where
can I get access to those nostalgic photos?
You have no idea how much I sympathise with you. I live with two girls who act almost exactly like your flatmate. This most recent entry reminds me of something that happened to me last summer. I left town for two weeks to visit a friend, and the day before I left I cleaned the house - spotless. Two of my three other roommates were also away, and a week later, when one of them returned, she told me (on MSN) that it looked like a bomb had hit the house. No, it was just my ONE remaining roommate. She (the messy one) told me a couple of days later that she was having a party that night, and that the house would be clean by the time I got back. I got back a day early, and the house was a disaster. She said she'd clean it up, but two days later it was still the same, and I had to do it (or risk being eaten by the mess). I hope it makes you feel better to know you're not alone in the world. :)
Your blog just kills me...I absolutely love it. I'm so glad I'm not at school anymore with my irritating roommates. I wish I had thought of doing a blog with this theme two years ago. Roommates suck. I think we've all been there. Hopefully you can get rid of her soon!
This blog cracks me up. Thanks for freeing the archives!
But I also feel a bit guilty, since if I didn't live alone, posts like this could certainly refer to me.
This is when you tell her "Clean your shit up or get the fuck out" It helps really.
Not to be an evil bitch or anything, but I hope she stays your flatmate for a long time. I am enjoying the hell out of your posts about her, and if she moves out, then what am I supposed to read, hmmm?
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Crap, I couldn't make that much if a mess if I tried. By the way, I love your blog. Every time I read it I want to ring you flat mate's necks. I'd go drill sargent on them if they were my room mates.
http://piratesandotherthings.blogspot.com
Emily,
I think John is faced with a few dilemma's here.
1. He has a job and a life outside of this blog
2. He appears to remove posts infrequently (maybe they are nutters)
3. Your particular post was especially 'do-gooder'. I think you might not have been able to hear yourself given your altitude on that high-horse but the section:
"so hunt about for subject matter will that elevates the minds of both writer and readers was it enriches the experience of both"
Well that's just right out of the introductory notes of a career-liason officer at high school (pre sub-editor check obviously).
He has found a passion, and an audience, a receptive audience. Chill out and read it, or read elsewhere dear lady.
All three likely cause him to to answer your question: as many do-gooder posts as you put up.
Anon
(not real name)
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My roommate is a saint. You make me more thankful for him ever day.I would have nominated you for an Award but you didn't fit any of These Catagories.
hey mothafucka...
stop writing abt wat horrible roommate i am. and i did clean up the room after 15 mins, so what the fuck r u bitching abt ?!?!?
Seriously, if I were u, I will buy a couple of fire blankets, throw a lighted match on a pile of clothes or other flammeable material in the room, seal the whole room with fire blankets (preferably with your flatmate still inside) and wait for everything to BURN...
On the pragmatic side, earn more dough and move out...
If "The Flatmat You Bitch About" is really your flatmate, you may want to add a post about how she's completely fucking illiterate as well.
Let's translate this into English, shall we? (spelling corrections in bold"The Flatmate You Bitch About said...
Hey motherfucker...
Stop writing about what a horrible roommate I am. And I did clean up the room after 15 minutes, so what the fuck are you bitching about ?!?!? (<-- unnecessary punctuation)"
hello, I enjoy this blog. i am subscribing and putting it on my blog.
Top blog, fella. Well written, concise and readable. And putting the history back was a GOOD idea. Have you read He died with a falafel in his hand? (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0006388574/qid=1108982268/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-1970194-4061423) At least she hasn't tried to give herself an abortion in the bathroom. Or, indeed died in your living room with a falafel in her hand.
Ah, good: a weekend away. I'd been afraid that the lapse meant that there had been a well-deserved but horrifically bloody beating death and that we in the blogging public would never be able to hear more.
So, what exactly is the "special" fragrance? Or shouldn't I ask? (I take it that it's not lilacs).
you people are so gullible.
She is writing fiction.
you people are so gullible.
She is writing fiction.
I wonder if your flatmate has her own blog called "Reasons why I hate my really anal, neurotic flatmate". You sound like a horrible person.
I think your flat mate needs a spanking. Maybe she could be your Eliza Doolittle and you could convert her into a regular Lady. If you are a guy you could turn her into your sex slave or if you are a gal you can invite guys over for wild threesoms.
I have become a daily reader of your blog, I love it!
Once while I was on a six day vacation, i explained to my roomy that I did not want to come back to a mess. She knew the exact day and time my boyfriend and I were coming back since she offered to pick us up at the airport and since I posted our flight times and numbers on the dry erase board on the fridge. Yet when we got back and walked in the door, i thought we had stepped into an alternate universe. The place was a disaster. Food all over, clothes, pizza boxes, empty soda cans, you name it. I friggin cryed when I saw this. She said "oh i didnt know youd be home today". umm whatever she totally knew. When I told her i wanted it cleaned up asap. She said "ill get to it". ILL GET TO IT??? What the hell is that. I mean come on, have a little respect. Clean up after yourself if your sharing a place with someone. Unbelievable! I feel your pain!!
great blog. reminded me of when i used to live with a girl with mental problems for a year. (what and why you ask? i was her bestfriend and i wanted to help her.) but after a year of squalor i could take no more. there comes a point where youre so disgusted you just have to leave. especially when nothing gets done if you do it and youve just worked and 8 hour day while she sat around and watched tv. cause she was depressed. ick. i wont even give you any details. needless to say, i spent a lot of time at my boyfriends.
oops, ment to say, "especially when nothing gets done, unless you do it."
[quote]I wonder if your flatmate has her own blog called "Reasons why I hate my really anal, neurotic flatmate". You sound like a horrible person.
[/quote]
Yes, I do have a blog, but I wrote abt him only in first few posts ... he was too boring to write abt so I started to write abt other stuff :)
Look, your graphics are becoming shite. What happened to the witty captions such as "delusion" and "bathroom etiquette"?
For example, a much better caption for this post might be "cleanliness is next to godliness"
quit being so fucking lazy.
cheers
Perhaps you flatmate is getting back at you for things you've done. How do we know that you're not an even worse person to live with? Clearly your flatmate isn't that bad or she would no longer be living with you.
I AM YOUR FLATMATE
I HAVE DISCOVERED YOUR BLOG
HOW DARE YOU!?
Oh Dear! What are you going to do now? You have been discovered!
Hey, I like your site. I have a site with similar humor about things that I wish I had. check it out........
www.frankenweinie.blogspot.com
peace,
john
Did your flatmate really discover your blog or is someone just yanking your chain ... you haven't posted since Sunday ... I'm beginning to wonder.
NEXT POST:
I'm writing from the Coffee House because my roomate went bonkers and smashed my computer when she found out about this blog!
Half of the flatmates in the world think that this is about them. HA!
Does anyone know if there's a blog for I Hate My Co-Worker?
Half of the flatmates in the world think that this is about them. HA!
Does anyone know if there's a blog for I Hate My Co-Worker?
surely it's not
happen to drop by and read a few of your blog....was interesting. i wonder why are you staying with her when you hate her to the root?........if i were you, i would have shifted out long ago cos i can't stand people like your flatmate.
take care ya.
Men, this is too much for my body!
Keep the good work!
http://www.wtccornella.com
You are obviously intelligent and quite funny, but seeing as you think you are so smart, how about being discriptive without using non-dictionary language. It would make you appear a bit more mature. Not to mention, there's probably plenty that your flatmate dislikes about you as well.
What a hoot, and people ask me why I work three jobs so that I can live by myself....?
Keep up the good work, if nothing else it makes us poor single suckers graetful for our lot!
oh - if i was more technology savvy this is the blog i would create. i live with 2 blokes. one IS Homer Simpson - fat, selfish, works in a nuclear power plant, has a partner with the most irritating voice in history. other one is an arrogant Fre*ch arsehole whose best trick is leaving his doorkeys in the outside of the door! and even leaving the house afterwards! and it ain't the nicest of neighbourhoods we live in. if only they'd both explode, leaving little piles of dust which i could run the vacuum over. BLISS!
It's comforting to know that I am no the only one struggling with damn roommates. Trust me I know. I just recently moved to a new area with two new roommates. I knew one from a short time in the past, but had no idea it would be so hard to get along. I am not a contentious person and do not like confrontation unless it is absolutely necessary but I believe that time has come. My bloody roommates leave the water running in the bathroom for several minutes 15 or more at a time without even using it, they leave their material possessions all over the place, and proceed to cook the most awefully smelling shit the world has ever known and on top of it all, they lose my things, misplace their own and then seek help in retrieving them, break dishes and glassware without any conciliation to apologize or even consider replacing them. I believe they are finally starting to see my frustration and I think the time has come where my patience has worn thin and the time to act and confront the problems has come. If anyone has any ideas other than the ulitmate alternative to moving out please let me know! Thanks.
what thats nothing. my roomate makes yours look like jesus. Plus at least yours cleans. I once watched him drag out 8 trash bags full of trash from a tiny 13ft x 12ft room. You can yell at this guy and still no results. I think im going to end up having to solve it with my fists. Like beat his ass then he hill get the point.
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