Let's eat together
There has been some pressure by one of my other flatmates recently to occasionally cook together. Now I'm not completely against the idea, I mean, it could save some money, and I could learn a few new ideas in the kitchen. But I'll be honest, I'm scared. I'm scared because my flatmate isn't clean. I'm scared because my flatmate never, ever washes her hands before preparing food. I'm scared because she drops kitchen utensils on the floor, and then put them back into what she is cooking. I'm scared because she is a re-dipper - she will dip with a spoon, put the whole thing in her mouth, and the dip again, even when the food is not just for her). I'm scared because she cuts up meat and then vegetables with the same knife, in that order, often when the vegetables are not being cooked. For the time being I've managed to postphone the idea of communal cooking, but unfortunately the idea is still circulating. I'll have to cull it off once and for all.
posted at 03:23
75 Comments:
You must love torture. Are you into S&M? You must be into the 'S'.
Get out.
*Sigh* I try so hard to be a nice roommate. I even suggested communal cooking, and I took special East-Asian cooking classes and learnt all kinds of recipies with crispy crunchy bugs.
Mad with excitement, I told my flatmate that we can cook and eat together, and he totally broke my heart by shouting at me and making me cry b'coz he didn't like the way I cut the meat and vegetables :( :( :(. I try so hard to please him coz I think I have a small crush on him. I even cut the vegetables in little heart-shapes, but he said they looked too "messy".
I'll suggest communal cooking again, and make a special candel-lit dinner, with Japanese bull-testicle soup (increases virility ;) ), and hopefully his increased testosterone will make him focus on me romantically too.
Eeeesh...again with the hygeine. I don't know which is worse, the germs from the meat/floor or the germs from her mouth. I hope you never have to find out. If you want to learn a few new tricks in the kitchen, get a good cookbook. It isn't worth risking your health or sanity. Best of luck with that.
My roomie seems to lack the understand that REGULAR cleaning is a good thing. I recently had friends come for a visit. One went to use his bathroom - She actually screamed EW.
My prayers go out to you. At our age one would think one would know basic cleanliness.
EW EW EW EW! GROSS! I'm actually moving out and am pretty scared about getting a housemate because of your blog!
Maybe you could tell her you're becoming a vegetarian and therefore can't cook communally...
I recommend a good tetanus shot before taking up that offer. Apparently that's one of the 'unspoken' requirements of living there!
My dear Mary Catherine,
No one is forcing you to read the comments. Please click the close button on the top if I'm pissing you off.
i feel sorry for you, i truly do. and i thought my younger brother was bad! he's also a double dipper... oh, and (to go along with the theme of other comments) i would recommend NOT doing communal cooking :-)
Double dippin aint cool!
www.frankenweinie.blogspot.com
I got two good ideas:
1. Keep her away from the kitchen. Let her do the shopping -- but come to think of it, that is also scary.
2. Order Chinese.
You are all wimps! Nobody ever died from "double dipping"!
I grew up in Africa, and where we lived was a pretty dirty place. I grew up fine, and only got serious, life threatening illnesses on occasion. A little innocent "double dipping" won't hurt anyone... unless of course they have a deadly communicable disease, then you are screwed!
I have lived my life on the 30 second rule... germs are slow about moving, it takes them at least 30 seconds to migrate onto something that has fallen onto the ground. If you pick it up before 30 seconds is up, it is still clean. (There are exceptions; if it is a sticky, or wet item, it is instantly contaminated).
Note: The number 30 is relatively arbitrary, and can be determined depending on your level of comfort in the realm of germs. Some people like the 45 second or 60 second rule, while I have known some to choose numbers as high as 120 seconds. To be fair, most people fall into the 5 or 10 second range, so don't feel bad if 30 seconds seems way to long.
My main point is... get over it, you are being way to paranoid about germs.
This girl sounds like she belongs in a cave! Maybe you should try educate her in the ways of the world... You can take that any way that you like...
You didn't say today's reason I hate my flatmate.
It must be love. Admit it, you want to do her.
Man, this blog makes me feel less crazy. I used to think it was me, too easily annoyed but no, it's them.
I've seen it all. Stinky ones, stinky food cooking ones, hairy bathroom ones, constant nose picking ones (who also don't wash their hands before meal preparation - there's another for the health concerns arena), noisy ones, double dippers, etc.
Flatmates are more of a pain in the ass than the rent they pay is worth.
As someone who has worked in hospitality for six years I can honestly say "if you find those complaints disgusting. Then never, and I mean never, eat out at a restaraunt again"
I have worked in twenty two establishments ranging from fine dining all the way down to the bistro at the local pub. These things and worse are a common occurence.
The same knife for meat and veg made me laugh. Try the same knife for EVERYTHING in the restaurant. Yeah, it gets a wipe with a cloth but during service you don't have time to piss about swapping knives. As for spoon in meal, then mouth and back. Common, except the chef is using his/her finger.
Poking your steak/chicken to check if its done with fingers.
I saw many food items dropped on the floor, picked up and dusted off ready for plating.
If this really upsets you seriously stop eating out.
Sorry this has almost turned into a blog. If you want to know some more chef horror stories I have written some up on my blogspot. I really enjoy your postings, long may your flatmate shit you too tears.
The guy from Africa is right. People are so paranoid about germs. The human race has gone on despite germs for thousands of years - no bleach, no detol, no chemical cleansers. What's the worst that's going to happen - your immune system is forced to do some work and subsequently becomes stronger. The chance of there being harmful bacteria or viruses living and breeding on a dry floor is negligible.
That's what I keep trying to tell my roommate also, but he's always saying how I'm messy :(.
We exchange more germs & stuff in our weekly roommate no-strings-attached orgies than what he's always complaining about :P.
I think the real problem here is deeper than you are letting on. I have also been in the position of having a flatmate who couldn't spell and used words incorrectly in their written communications.
I feel your pain - it's a painful and undesirable situation to be placed within.
What can you do? A dictionary may drop the subtle hint to them but how to approach such a delicate topic?
Surely foot odour and unsanctioned remote possession are more sensitive topics to lengthy public discussion?
Your blog always manages to make me laugh. Maybe you should make something for her and make an obvious point of not being clean so she gets grossed out and possibly gets the hint.
Makes you never want to touch the remote again, either, doesn't it? Imagine where that thing has been. . . .
Buy a black light (UV) and take the roomie for an after dark tour of your flat. If that doesn't change his/her mind about hygene, call the health department as your moving truck pulls away from the curb.
Your blog is so cool, just noticed it today and read every entry. Your roommate sounds unbelievable! How can anyone not change their towel for 4 months!
Would you consider making this into a 'High Fideltiy' like screenplay?
-Cecile Dubois
There really has been only one time in history where the human race severely declined in population rate and that was due to the spread of a disease due to bad hygiene practices- the plague. Double dipping is inconsiderate. By doing it you are assuming that everyone that would eat that food would be fine with tongue kissing you. That's quite a full-of-yourself assumption.
If I didn't know better I'd swear you were living with my cousin and her animalistic husband. Her husband clips his toe nails and leaves them on the floor. He uses the bathroom with the door open. Don't even get me started on his flatulence. The man has enough gas to blow a house of its foundation.
I'm so glad I don't have room-mates anymore. Stay strong.
Ha ha, I don't have a flatmate so I don't have to worry about these things...ha ha ha...but I am married, and have a kid on the way...so...never mind...
"cull" i do belive it is "Call"
Nasty
Why not cook with your flatmate? It would be that much easier to poison her...
A lot of people say you should move out, but therein lies a dilemma... You would no longer have any material for your blog. Unless it's all made up to begin with... OR, you could move out on your own and start a new blog: Things I Hate About Your Mom.
oooh, aaaah, argh... my brain is starting to hurt... must.... not.... think...
This shit is really getting old. But if you like this type of bitching, try:
http://rogerramjetrants.blogspot.com/
Man this stuff is crazy. I have read through most of the post and I think this is great. I was wondering where you get the sweet pics to put in your blog. They are funny as hell. Hang in there man. My roommates sister lets the dog shit and piss on the floor and then doesn't pick or clean it up for like days sometimes. I was doing it but it isn't my dog and I was getting tired of doing it all the time. Now I just wear sandels in the house. Trust me roommates are a pain in the ass.
stop being so petty. how old are you! oh my god. -faints-
Why do you not leave?! Life is TOO SHORT to be spent in such daily misery my dear. You are like in a codenpendent relationship with someone that abuses you physically and emotionally. You have to escape if you want to remain sane!! Get help! GET OUT!!!
call pizza haven.
mmmmmmmmm...pizza....
My ex and I were engaged and bought a house together. He was always filthy, and never lifted a finger in the house. We split up in October and he hasn't changed his sheets once! vile.
My ex told he didn't own a pair of nail clippers because 'it's disgusting - people leave clippings everywhere'. I asked whether it was better to bite your nails and swallow them (his method)and he said 'yes - at least I keep the nastiness inside me'.
I do all things ur flatmate is doing and am still perfectly happy. Its the others who usually have problem, people like you, unhappy, with no lives of their own, concentrating on poor random flatmates. I feel pitty for ur friend...
*spew*
Why don't you just find your own place??
Hmm I am curious as to how many of the people above are smokers... Most of u are saying that picking food up off the floor and then eating it is a totally disgusting thing to do, yet I am daily baffled at the amount of smokers I see drop their smokes and then pick em and shove them straight back between their lips... Odd considering that the smokes are dropped in filthier areas then food (ie. footpaths, nightclubs). Some people really confuse me.
Oh just to let u all no i dont eat off the floor or smoke...
Hmmm... I see potential with the "communal" food thing... Has she gotten a reaaaaalllly bad case of food poisoning yet? It would be *such* a shame for something like that to happen, or if the borax fell into the pasta sauce... Oh how I bet you wish Mad Cow on her...
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LOL@martika! I am biting my fingernails right now (sadly, the one I need to properly manoeuvre toilet paper with) ... but god I could never imagine eating them! I'm not that disgusting. Geeeez. I just flick them on the floor.
;o)
William John.
Goddamn... I couldn't get one comment to work... then I look up and there is a whole bunch! Aaargh! Sorry folks.
:o(
William John.
Am I going insane, or have I completly missed the point of this post? Surely the simple art of communication would resolve this situation. Have you actually thought about talking to your flat mate about this?
....problem solved.
haha, i love your blog. maybe u should put a tagboard...
this is the coolest blog man! U're very open with ur opinions. I like! Have a tagboard here, it'll be much interactive.
if you really cant stop this from happening...
then u will have to eat less when she cooks...
sorry for u...
Your blog is absolutely perfect the way it is, but for your own amusement, have you ever thought of running little "experiments" on your flatmate? Doing random things to confuse or inconvenience her (completely anonymously), just to see how she reacts? Nothing terrible, just things like deleting one of her favorite channels from the tv, or putting a piece of lipstick in the drier with her stinky old socks (so she'll have to get new ones!). It could prove to be quite comforting in an odd, vindictive sort of way, and could be very entertaining as well.
i believe you worry too much, why worry about some bugs, i would be more preocupied with the stuff mcdonalds is selling instead of real meat or food
hey, i hope u dont mind, i put a link to your site on my own blog place. you can check it out :
http://magikcarpet.blogspot.com
While you are eloquent and entertaining and the images are a great touch, you scare me. You remind me of a few housenazis I've known. Your housemate does sound like a shocker. It's not easy when you feel so disrespected- but then, psychic debris is so much worse than physical debris...but then, you don't want to get infected just because it's her time to cook. Living with most other women really sux...
Yah, this reminds me of my room mates who eat my food, so annoying, and then go and tell me they didnt cause they only eat organic food...the friggen plant and cow dont care where the nitrogen, fats, lipids, and carbohydrates came from!!!
oh, and seriously, that same roommate, just got her mac mini for free from this sight, so im hoping i can get the required 10 people to do it for me, she already got most of my personal friends to do it! http://www.freemacmini.com/?r=156271
You need to write a book, then take the royalties from it to move out and get your own flat!
But in the meantime, you are entertaining many people while blowing off steam about your flatmate's inability to function as intelligently as the rest of us :)
I would be scared too! Run, run while you can.
Where are you? I hope you aren't in jail from killing your roomate. That would definetely put a damper on the amount of laughing I get to do. Damn. All the best, please post soon!!
I suggest communal cleaning. I once had a college roommate from Compton, California. COMPTON! TORTURE! The stories I could tell...
Why don't you just offer to be the one to cut the food? Let her cook it. Then you know it's sanitary.
That brings back some unpleasant memories. I lived with a roomate for five years, and I used to come home to find her soaking her dirty undergarments in the kitchen sink. Every time I picked up the telephone receiver, I had to wipe off the ear-wax. I could go on, but I'll spare you the most disgusting anecdotes.
Seeing as this blog is so popular all over the world, aren't you afraid she'll read this and realise its her and you?
I have a flatmate from hell too! He never cleans the communal areas unless we hound him on it. and when he does he does such a shit job that we end up just cleaning it up again after. He is rude and tries to send his friends into our rooms at night thinking we'll sleep with them. He suffers from total only child syndrome, doesn't share a thing. Ask him for a piece of toast bread and he freaks, then two monthes later I realize the prick has been using my laundry detergent and not telling anyone. But he moves out in two monthes hurrah!
nobody has ever bitched about my urine stains.
We changed rooms with another couple at a flat after we had lived there for six months. The room we moved into had a ensuite bathroom, and NOTHING in that bathroom had been cleaned for the entire time we lived in the flat. My flatmates were hippies (bare feet) and I had to scrub the floor of the shower with a steelo to get all the dirt off; I couldn't bear the thought of my bare feet touching where their bare feet had been breeding bacteria for six months. The toilet smelt of boys-missing-the-basin and had clearly also avoided cleaning during their stay in the room.
I think that it is fair enough to refuse to share food. You sound fairly obnoxious anyway, it would probably go mostly unnoticed as far as being particularly rude and flatmate-orientated slight.
You're really awesome. And Rie... hey! Is that you, or another Faye? (Oh my god I didn't mean for that to rhyme at all.) If I had a flatmate, I'd LOVE blogging about him/her. Sadly I live in America and thus never will. Kudos to you for thinking of it first. And for having maniacal fans and all... check out my blog-world sometime!
Bless your heart....to have to put with such an unclean person. It must be maddening. I watched one of my roommates cook one evening and I vowed from that point on that I wouldn't eat anyhthing she cooked (and I haven't). Both of my roommates think I'm too much of a stickler for washing hands, wiping up stuff up, and washing dishes. Personally, I just like to be clean. I mean, really what's wrong with that?
Just wait until you have kids, it gets worse. That's when you truly wonder why you went from roommates to husbands and kids. That's when you find bodily fluids and other gross stuff all over your house.
http://butterflyinjesus.blogspot.com/2005/03/mean-mom-vents.html
I just vented today because I'm about ready to run away from my house. Only, moms aren't supposed to want to do that. Especially good 'christian' moms like me.
This reminds me of something that happened when I lived with a former roomate.
I was sitting on the can, and we had a white, tiled bathroom floor. I noticed what looked like a couple of raisins or dried cranberries on the floor. When I picked them up, I noticed that they had hairs- nosehairs- poking out of them.
Then I realized the horrible truth. My roomate- an otherwise attractive young woman- had the nausiating habit of "picking" while on the toilet, and her picking bore "fruit." Why she left the evidence lying around, I'll never understand.
So, if you ever get the urge to eat dried raisins that you find on the bathroom floor...don't.
again..i think it would be very fun to be your housemate and annoy the hell out of you. easily annoyed people is fun, esp the tightbitches kind. if i were u, i'd check & see if she's doing it just to get you out of the house.
Kick her out
My friend used to have a flatmate who's room was so filthy that it was exhibited to visitors reguarly for a laugh. This girl was sleeping on a piece of foam on the floor and the entire room was covered with trash; makeup, used tissues, used plates, food containers, you name it. Finally we heard that she had moved out via another aquaintance but had no idea as the rooms trash pile was just left for my friend to clean up!
As the blog, I love it. All of it. It's wonderful. I wish I had the confidence to write this stuff up and assume that my roommate wouldn't find it.
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