The phone bill...
One of Edison's contemporaries was a gentleman called Bell. Again, some people will tell you that it is he, and he alone, responsible for the electric telephone. But in point of fact there are about three possible inventors. In any case you all know about fucking telephones.
So does The Flatmate. Today I got my quarterly phone bill. By email. It has left me shaken.
Dear God. Here is a list of things I can't have, because I've paid that phone bill:
1. Ipod Nano.
2. Hash and pr0n trip to Amsterdam for the weekend.
3. Flatscreen TV.
4. Xbox360.
At this exact instant, here are a list of currencies to the same value:
1. 226.37 GBP
2. 336.49 EUR
3. 537.88 AUD
4. 2,662.26 ZAR
5. 46,489.65 JPY
This is an astonishing amount of money. Especially for something as luxurious as telephone conversations. Some of the calls made are apparently to overseas mobiles. What, in the immortal words of Ghandi, The FUCK!?! This is NOT the way of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
How is it possible to crank up this amount? Seriously, my calls were 6.73% of that total. It should have been 50%! The bitch must die! I am going to nail her bleeding corpse to the fucking wall, and shove the telephone deep inside her, reverse Caesarian style.
Today's reason I am actually sharpening an axe: My flatmate has allowed herself to spend 42 hours, 15 minutes and 10 fucking seconds talking to her degenerate family and drug fucked friends, on my telephone, at my expense, without warning or apology, without compiling an historical list of transcontinental telecommunications initiated by herself, without offer of compensation. Fuck you. I hate you.
Die.
posted at 13:37
29 Comments:
Since, you are a lawyer can you take legal action?
Maybe you should have arranged some sort of agreement/understanding about such matters before you moved in together.
Get a mobile phone with plenty of minutes and turn off the land line. If she wants to talk on the phone, she'll have to get her own.
Dude,
get a couple of friends round have a sit down and talk to the women from hell and tell her she has two weeks to leave the flat! I'm always putting myslef out for others but if one of my frineds was taking the piss like this lady I would of said something by now!
Good luck
HAHAHAHHAHAHA ! This is awesome, I love your flatmate for the entertainment she provides us.
I enjoy reading your blog. It is one of the few blogs that inspired me to write better for my own blog.
Have a good talk with your flatmate. Flash that bill in her face and demand that she pays what she owes u. If not, make her eat the darn phone!!!
for God's sake... just give her her notice. Say "You have 2 weeks to pack up and get out, you crazy fucked up bitch!" and be done with it.
Suely if you don't do anything about it apart from bitching on this blog you are at fault?
Dude, refuse to pay it! REFUSE TO PAY IT! PAY YOUR SHARE IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT C'MON! By alwaqys bailing her out with rent and bills, she's only going to get worse!!!!
dude is this chick actually your girlfriend, and you just post these funny stories on the net so that your friends think that your still cool and not under the thumb...? maybe not... maybe you are just this unlucky, and have managed score not only one but two of the top most unwanted roomies in the world... in either case.. it sucks to be you right now...
but having said that, my thoughts and prayers are with you
ha ha...i love your space,i thought the idea of my friend,(who copied your concept)was brilliant. but he told me that he borrowed it from you. God bless your flatmate's soul.
You think its bad now.......wait till you get married
Shoelover
i dont get people who post comments such as " Maybe you should have arranged some sort of agreement/understanding about such matters before you moved in together." are you fucking serious? get a joke, this blog is fucking sooo awesome and funny!
i think i am going to start my own blog entitled "i hate people who leave dumb comments on great blogs and cant take a fucking joke once and a while."
Dear God. I'm finding it hard to recall the last time I have felt such amusement or empathy.
Let me tell you, John Doe: I hate my roommate, too. For reasons different from your own, I am forced to play nice, turn a blind eye, keep the peace, be the better person, ad naseum.
...And that is why I intend to hit up your blogspot everyday. I put "I hate my roommate" in Google to see if anyone shared my pain-- and I found you. You say what I cannot. I live vicariously through your exploits already.
Keep up the good work! I'm going to have a Godfather tomorrow night in your honor. That's the best that I can do.
Dear God
You must have a terrible judge of character. Where your writing and entertainment factor never fails to smuse, your sound judge of character is rather fucked up, dear.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT TWO OF YOUR ROOM MATES, IN A ROW, ARE SATAN PERSONIFIED?
This is a classic example of learning from your mistakes.
Hope he/she reads this!
If communication is not an option, refuse to pay the bills and get a cellphone. Make photocopies of the bills and stick it in various places in the house. And post your flatmate face on your blog and spread it in Friendster or something.
nice dude. When you do finally torture your flatmate, please borrow a handycam or sumthing. How bout riggin' up one of those remote controlled secret cams--a webcam even. that way we could share in your pain.
hey dude! love reading your blog. very entertaining indeed. I think u need a wife, not a housemate. God bless.
i loooove your blog. woohoo!
When we were living in London, our first month's phone bill arrived and I almost had a heart attack. In a share house of 8 people, with a prior agreement, the person who had racked up the phone bill to GBP500 in 28 days was... my sister. Who did not actually even live at our house. Some harsh words were had, and a complete bar put on our phone - calling cards only. Much the better option.
Thank God you're back!
hope you're a girl,,,:-)
aren't you a girl? sounds like one,,, all the pretty hate woohah!
dude, its gandhi not ghandi :)
I don't understand. If she's the one using the phone calling overseas mobile and all that, why are you the one paying for it? She should be responsible to whatever calls she made right?
But I guess some people are like that, once you told them phone calls are included as well, they don't have the conscience to keep it to the minimal. I had that experience before when a friend of one of my housemates came stayed over during a holiday when none of us were around. She has her capped plan mobile phone but used our home phone to make calls up to $10 which is equivalent to 50 calls!!!
Can I kill her for you?
oh my goodness...why oh why would you continue to live with someone like that? if it where me, i would have packed her bags for her!!
I love you . will you marry me? Steve
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